Earlier I have argued about the need for acceptance here. I have also said that when change comes from a place of acceptance it is better. But until recently I was not yet 100% clear on that concept. For a long time, I thought acceptance and striving are contradictory. This is a common misconception that many people have. I found that when I completely accepted the present, I had no desire to change anything. But I realize now that I can also have a desire to take action while being in a state of acceptance.
Acceptance of "Reality is A" doesn't mean the non-acceptance of "Reality is not A". If that is your experience then it means you are not in proper acceptance yet. You might've just gotten attached to something and do not want it to change. Acceptance means accepting reality for whatever it is. It shouldn’t matter whether it’s A, or not A. This means the desire and the striving to change can both be accepted as a part of what is.
So let's say that you have been a lawyer for a few years. Over the years you developed an interest to work for non-profit organizations. Now a small change in this direction might be to volunteer in your free time. Here acceptance means you fully accept this new situation where you work as a lawyer during weekdays and as a volunteer during weekends. If you hate doing your job as a lawyer then that's non-acceptance. If you are in acceptance being a lawyer but you don't like to work during weekends that means you are attached to the comfort and in non-acceptance to the new schedule. It's not wrong to hate something but sometimes you want to do it even if you hate it. Or you have no other option available. In such situations accepting it as something natural makes it much easier.
When you accept the present, you can also accept the striving to make progress. Thus acceptance of the present will NOT come in the way of progress. The difference in the situation brought by acceptance is that you do not hate the present and try to escape it. You accept the pre, post, and the now of your striving. When you are striving for something you not only have to accept the existing condition, but also the action that causes change.
In the book Atomic Habits, the author says that the deepest behavior change comes from identity change.
Imagine two people resisting a cigarette. When offered a smoke, the first person says, “No thanks. I’m trying to quit.” It sounds like a reasonable response, but this person still believes they are a smoker who is trying to be something else. They are hoping their behavior will change while carrying around the same beliefs.
The second person declines by saying, “No thanks. I’m not a smoker.” It’s a small difference, but this statement signals a shift in identity. Smoking was part of their former life, not their current one. They no longer identify as someone who smokes.
This if you see is the same as acceptance. As a non-smoker, it is natural for you to not smoke. If you are trying to be a non-smoker there surely will be temptations, you simply see it as natural and you resist it because that is what you are supposed to do as a smoker turning to a non-smoker. You accept that resistance as natural.
I can say that the state of acceptance is a state where you see that everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be. I'm pretty sure there were moments in your life where you saw the pre, post, and the now of striving as natural. It could have been when you learned to play a game. You know that when you are new, you are supposed to suck at it. Then every day you spend some time learning. After days of learning, one day it becomes natural. It is easy to see that when you are in such a state of acceptance you spend far less energy. Because now you don't spend energy in resistance. It is also enjoyable because you are present in the moment and happiness can always be found in the present (might write a separate post about it later).
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