In this post, I am going to share my understanding of the answer to the question "Who am I" and its nature. I'm sharing this from my direct experience. The mind can play tricks and I also see that I have been blindly believing in many beliefs popular in society. Therefore I'm not assuming certainty on whatever I'm saying. Tomorrow I may put out another post contradicting some of the aspects. I say only some because the rest I'm certain of. I haven't yet explored this deeply, it's just a week since I first realized this. However it was not a one-time realization, I did keep coming back to it and I kept realizing the same thing again and again over this week. The purpose of this post is to convey the simplicity and significance of the realization and to encourage you to investigate your everyday experience and see if can reach the conclusions I'm going to share.
I'm writing things in whatever sequence I realize it live right now.
I am aware of objects in my experience. I close my eyes and I am aware of my thoughts. I don't have to lift a finger to be aware. Awareness (i.e. to be aware) is automatic and effortless. I am the one who is aware of all this. As I am speaking I am aware of these words as thoughts. Who am I? All objects, I am aware of. Who am I? I am the subject / experiencer. What is this subject? It is not an object. It doesn't exist as an object or form. It cannot be described with words as all words point to some object. It is that which is aware of all objects. If it was an object then who is aware of it?
I sense sensations in my body but these are also sensations that I am aware of. I am not it, I'm the one who is aware.
I have always been here. I cannot be experienced, because I am the one who is experiencing all experiences. I cannot be pointed to and said that I exist there. I do not exist physically. But I am. Me being aware is the proof that I am.
I am before thought - i.e. even before the mind says I'm aware of an object, I already am and know the object.
I am aware of all but I am unaffected by any. No experience can touch me. I am not even there to be touched. But I'm aware of the experience. I am the experiencer.
I cannot be more aware or less aware. I am always aware. Even as the body goes to sleep the awareness remains. i.e. I remain. I'm there ready to watch anything that comes up. I am there to watch the dreams. I am there in between the dreams but since I am nothing the mind doesn't know me.
I am the knower. I am the see-er. I am the feel-er. Without me to be aware, the mind cannot register anything. Without me to be aware of thoughts, any thoughts the mind has would go unnoticed.
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Even when I am in my normal state (I mean non-contemplate state), I am aware. I cannot be not aware.
I am the one who is unmoved by anything. I face all experiences head-on and I remain unmoved by them. I have no fear. There is nothing to fear, I remain as the one aware of all that is happening.
With that, I end. I have no more insights to share. I would need to go deeper without having to verbalize every knowing that I have. All this verbalization is a distraction but my mind loves it. I think this is all that I can realize if I take my mind with me. But this is good because this means all these insights are available in the normal everyday experience which is full of thoughts.
The realization that I am the one who is aware is very simple. You already know that you are aware. You just keep asking "Who am I" until you know who you are. Do it a few times and get frustrated because you can't find the I. I think this is very much necessary. Though I have given my thought process in the section above, I recommend that you just forget that. Forget everything you know. Go to your direct experience and try to find who you are. Who is the one who is aware? Normal people will fail at this multiple times. So have I. This failure is very necessary. If you are thoroughly frustrated with it, now go and read my thought process. There is a very critical clue there which you need to find the I. The failure will reinforce the understanding of what you are not. You need to clearly know what you are not. Having said all this, the I is not something special that you find. It is very ordinary. You are already the I that you will try to find. When you find it, it won't be some big revelation. It will feel as if it was a joke that you tried to find it. That obviousness and simplicity will be hilarious. But when you know, you know without a doubt that you are it. You will know that you have always been it even before you went on this search. Even if you forget it, it won't change the truth. Even if it is a joke to try to find it, it is necessary because most people wrongly identify themselves to be the thinker in the head. The thinker is just thoughts. You are not a thought. Unlike a thought that comes and goes, appears and disappears, do you come into existence and die repeatedly? No, you are always present. You are the one who is aware of the thoughts. The most important thing after realizing that you are the one who is aware, is to realize the nature of yourself. This will be in stark contrast to some of the beliefs that we hold about ourselves. The beliefs we hold are facts about the body and mind. For example, we think we can be hurt, we get older, we are located in space, we have a shape, we can get sad/happy, etc. All these are facts about the body. Once you know who you are, you can ask whether all these are true. And if you are really asking the you who is aware, and not the mind, you will know that all these are false. Again knowing this is not going to be something special. Just like knowing I have five fingers in my hand is not special, knowing you can't get hurt will be equally not special. It's just a fact of your existence. None of this realization will feel special. It won't be accompanied by any special experience. It will feel very ordinary. It will be so obvious that you will think what an idiot you were to think otherwise. When you read my insights, if it felt familiar or that you understand it, that is because it is the truth and you recognize it. But your mind may take over soon and tell you how that is not your experience. That is fine. You just need to explore your experience and prove to yourself that it is true and after repeatedly proving it to yourself the mind may shut up eventually. Even for me a few hours after this, if I read my insights some of it may not feel true. For example, the fact that I am always aware might not sound to be true. But if I explore my experience again, there it is.
You need not have any background in meditation to realize all this. This is very simple. You just need to sit and be willing to explore your experience. You don't need any belief systems to do this. Anyone can do it.
I personally had this realization after watching Rupert Spira's and Mooji's youtube videos. Both give direct pointers to realize it. They don't ask you to do some meditation/yoga to realize this. All that is really not needed at least for the basic realization of who you are. Who you are is the most obvious thing. I prefer Rupert Spira to Mooji because sometimes Mooji starts going on telling jokes, that are entertaining but I feel it can take one's attention away from the pointers given. Also, Rupert's youtube videos are properly titled to reflect their contents and they are short and to the point. Rupert Spira's book on "Being Aware of Being Aware" is a good one. I read the first few chapters and I can verify almost everything said in it to be true. Some are beyond my present understanding but I can't say anything said in there to be untrue. You don't really need to go and watch or read these things but if you are stuck they help.
If you know that you are that which cannot be moved by anything or affected by anything, what have you got to be afraid of? You can't really die. You can't be hurt. You already face all experience head-on and you are unmoved. Only the mind has thoughts that say what is a problem and what is not a problem. If you know through direct experience who you are, you have no reason to not be happy. You can laugh at the drama of the mind and life.
Well, I really wish it was that simple! I do see one problem now. For years we have been habituated to be identified as the "thinker" and as the thinker, we believe all thoughts. To step into the point of view of the one being aware is both simple and hard. It is simple once you realize it. But when you are the "thinker" it is hard, you don't even know who you are. Unless you can step into the point of view of the one who is aware when there is a crisis, you can't laugh at the crisis. Only when you are your true self, you know for sure that you cannot be affected. Even if you were to create a belief that you are immortal, when you face the crisis, this belief that you are immortal will seem like a lie. Thus what I see is needed is the re-habituation of ourselves to occupy the point of view of the one being aware. I don't know how this is going to go, but I'm on this journey now. Good luck on yours!
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